The Buro Group

“So, even though we’re in the Goopie, a place of eternal happiness and joy, we still have to work?”

“That’s right,” said Mike, the architect of this neighbourhood in the Goopie. “We found that humans tend to get depressed if they don’t have something to do. We pair humans with their perfect job so that they will never be dissatisfied. Sometimes, that job aligns with what the human did in their life on Earth. Other times, it’s something completely different.”

Mike and Elena walked through the Goopie neighbourhood, past all the shops run by people whose lives on Earth were over. There was an odd number of frozen yogurt places, Elena noticed. She’d never really liked frozen yogurt, but apparently, it was actually super popular on Earth.

“So, what’s my job?” Elena asked.

“You were very easy,” Mike said. “Since you loved your job as a pediatric foot specialist based in Cheltenham, we figured that continuing to work as a foot doctor for the rest of eternity would make you happiest.”

“Right,” Elena said. “That makes sense. I was a foot doctor on Earth and I absolutely loved my job. I love helping people with their disgusting foot issues. Nothing better than helping cure gross foot fungus!”

“What a weird way to phrase that!” Mike said. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re happy!”

Elena felt sick. She’d suspected ever since Mike explained the idea of the Goopie that she wasn’t supposed to be there. She hadn’t lived a horrible life, but she’d always assumed she would be going to the Bapie anyway. But this confirmed it. She was there by mistake.

The day Elena died, she had been at a pediatric podiatry office, but only to pick up her nephew Todd after his appointment to get orthoheel sandals. The truth was that she hated podiatry and anything to do with it. Feet were totally gross. Being a pediatric podiatrist for the rest of eternity wasn’t joyful – it was torture!

She wasn’t sure what to do. She couldn’t say anything, otherwise, Mike would know that she didn’t belong and send her straight to the Bapie. No, she had to find someone who could teach her to be a good person, so that she could stay – as long as she could find a way out of being a professional foot specialist.

I’ve never liked feet. I don’t like my own and I don’t like other people’s. It’s nothing personal, but feet just gross me out. Toes that have especially long nails make me feel ill. As a result, I’ve kept my toenails as short as possible for my whole life. This usually makes me feel a lot better about myself, but a few times in my life I’ve then had to go for an ingrown toenail treatment. Cheltenham is right near a podiatrist, which is partly my worst nightmare, but it’s been a blessing each time I’ve had an ingrown toenail. Feet, in general, are disgusting… but feet with a condition? Even worse. 

I really wish that feet didn’t bother me as much as they do. It is actually quite debilitating in some circumstances. I haven’t been able to go to the local beaches in years because almost everyone has their shoes off. It just makes me feel so uncomfortable and genuinely unhappy, and so I have to avoid any situation where there are exposed feet. Do you remember when indoor trampoline places were all the rage? I could never go because of the thought of everyone’s feet touching the same thing. It really is ruining my life.

As I live with my family, I’m often exposed to their feet. I’ve told them numerous times to please wear socks in the house, but they think I’m ridiculous and refuse to be anything other than barefoot.

I’ll never forget the day that dad walked by me and half of his toes had fungal toe nail infections. Melbourne is a pretty clean place, and to this day I still don’t understand how his toes managed to get so funky. I still have nightmares about it. After feeling extremely sick for the couple of days after I saw his toes, I managed to work up the courage to go near him again. I begged my dad to please get his toes fixed, and thankfully he obliged.