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Category: podiatry

Feet Woes

Feet Woes

I’ve never liked feet. I don’t like my own and I don’t like other people’s. It’s nothing personal, but feet just gross me out. Toes that have especially long nails make me feel ill. As a result, I’ve kept my toenails as short as possible for my whole life. This usually makes me feel a lot better about myself, but a few times in my life I’ve then had to go for an ingrown toenail treatment. Cheltenham is right near a podiatrist, which is partly my worst nightmare, but it’s been a blessing each time I’ve had an ingrown toenail. Feet, in general, are disgusting… but feet with a condition? Even worse. 

I really wish that feet didn’t bother me as much as they do. It is actually quite debilitating in some circumstances. I haven’t been able to go to the local beaches in years because almost everyone has their shoes off. It just makes me feel so uncomfortable and genuinely unhappy, and so I have to avoid any situation where there are exposed feet. Do you remember when indoor trampoline places were all the rage? I could never go because of the thought of everyone’s feet touching the same thing. It really is ruining my life.

As I live with my family, I’m often exposed to their feet. I’ve told them numerous times to please wear socks in the house, but they think I’m ridiculous and refuse to be anything other than barefoot.

I’ll never forget the day that dad walked by me and half of his toes had fungal toe nail infections. Melbourne is a pretty clean place, and to this day I still don’t understand how his toes managed to get so funky. I still have nightmares about it. After feeling extremely sick for the couple of days after I saw his toes, I managed to work up the courage to go near him again. I begged my dad to please get his toes fixed, and thankfully he obliged.  

Football Fumble For Footloose Fan

Football Fumble For Footloose Fan

Avid football fan and long time supporter of the the local Athletes, Nathan Barney injured his foot yesterday evening. Barney, who will be posting his 300th attended game, wearing the same unwashed Guernsey, was arguing passionately with an umpire when his slipped on a meat pie and landed awkwardly. The ligament appears to have been damaged in what experts call the “tipsy twist”. Most often seen in inebriated athletes and fans, the twist is one of the most common injuries for Athletes fans.

The prognosis is good from local foot specialist, Cheltenham podiatrists are optimistic at his chances of being at the next match.

Podiatrist, and consultant to the Athletes, stated that “the tipsy twist, like the kind that befell our favourite fan, is an increasingly common injury that all inebriated warriors needs to be wary of.” Barney was slowly rushed to the foot clinic, where he was treated for his potentially season ending injury.

Players and fans alike are wishing Barney a speedy recovery. Four time MVP Jordan Jeffreys, “I don’t know what we’ll do without Nathan shouting abuse at the opposition, or spilling drinks on other fans. We’re all hoping he can work through his common foot conditions.” Cheltenham Athletes’ Coach Mark Hedland said that Barney’s antics “were a constant source of inspiration for the team, and his drunken rants would often rally the team late in the game. We’re all going to miss his occasional kindness.”

Barney is currently still bedridden, with the fans and crew on his side till the end of the season. “I want to thank the support I’ve gotten from everyone, except for that umpire, who still keeps making the wrong call.”

The podiatrist has stated “While the road is long, Barney is on the way to being at full health. He will need to take it easy with the opponent diatribes, and less drinking for the next six games. Other than that, he should be back to entertaining the Athletes and frustrating security in no time.”

In the meantime, local pubs have petitioned to raise money for his return to their bars as early as the mid season break.