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Agents Spied On

Agents Spied On

Gideon, enclosed in this envelope is a series of conversations I overheard and recorded at the headquarters of the Zircon Clan’s base, disguised as a large building for buyer’s advocates and conveyancers. Some of these may seem mundane, but it was unclear whether those speaking were using code, so I have included them anyway. If you need someone to help uncover any hidden meanings, I’d recommend Hop. They’re an expert at this sort of thing – me, not so much.

These conversations include: 

  • Two men standing at the water cooler over their lunch break, discussing what their jobs used to be like as buyer’s advocates working in Melbourne, before the Collapse.
  • The Zircon Clan’s leader speaking to his adopted son about his allowance (unfortunately, security was too tight on the Director’s office for me to hear any crucial conversations. Getting in there will be the goal for next time).
  • The buyer’s advocate for Sandringham property complaining to a bored coworker about how difficult it will be to get people to the new Sandringham.
  • Several buyer’s advocates discussing how their jobs can even exist in a society that is entirely socialist.

In general, I would say that most of the buyer’s advocates working for the Zircon Clan worry about the longevity of their roles going forward. What happens when they become redundant? They were all well off on the surface, so is a socialist society even something they want? This could be a weak link worth exploiting. I tended to find that the conveyancers were much happier with the overall plans of the Zircon Clan, so they probably aren’t worth going after.

As mentioned above, my top priority going forward will be to gain access to the Director’s office and search through his personal files, in addition to hearing confidential conversations.

Expect my next report in around two weeks, although as I have no control over the situation, give or take a few days on that.

– Iris

Meeting House Builders

Meeting House Builders

Iris had always loved the beach. Growing up on the Mornington Peninsula had its perks for a girl who loved running through the sand and playing in the water. It was a place she knew well, back on the surface.

This? This was not the Mornington Peninsula. It was a fair enough imitation, she had to admit, but there was just something not quite right about it. Maybe the knowledge that this place was a fabrication was enough to taint it alone, but she still felt that they’d gotten something wrong about it – aside from the fact that the real Mornington Peninsula was currently occupied by giant cockroaches. 

But still, there was nothing about it she could pinpoint. Perhaps each individual element was just the tiniest bit off. The sand of the beach she currently stood on was maybe a touch less yellow. The sun beamed down with slightly less intensity. The sounds of the false ocean weren’t quite right. 

Iris’s skirt rustled in the soft breeze – a breeze that, unfortunately, was also artificial. She shivered slightly, waiting for the luxury custom home builders she was supposed to meet here. Had she known she’d be waiting so long, Iris might have worn something a bit warmer than a long skirt and t-shirt.

Finally, two men approached from the other side of the beach. When they came within speaking distance, Iris curtsied and then stood straight, waiting for them to begin the dialogue. They certainly weren’t what she’d expected of custom home designers based on the Mornington Peninsula, where people had a lot of money to spend on houses.

“I trust you have been briefed,” said a regal man. Beside him stood an intimidating figure in a purple robe. “Which of the five might you be?”

“Iris,” she said, projecting her voice so as to not sound timid. “I’m afraid you might not see me much. I’m not out very often.”

“A pleasure to meet you,” said the man. “I am Gideon, and with me is my right-hand man, Lorenzo. Tell me, Iris, what do you have to offer us?”

Iris gave a shy smile. “Perhaps it’s best if I provide a demonstration.”

Office Tinting Explained

Office Tinting Explained

“You would be Redman, I assume,” said Lorenzo as he knelt beside the man lying in the dirt.

Redman groaned but looked into the tattooed man’s eyes. “That’d be me.”

“You’ve got a bit of explaining to do. Master Gideon does not like to be stood up. And I do not like it when my prey gets away from me.”

Had he a free hand, Redman would have wiped the sweat from his brow. With the blazing artificial sun above him, Redman was glad it would cover his nervousness. “Well, it’s a long story about a hostage and some frosted window tinting services. Probably easiest if I just tell Gideon himself, you know?”

Lorenzo growled, then pulled Redman up as he stood. With the strength of a bear, he hauled Redman off the ground. Redman experienced a sudden rush of vertigo as Lorenzo threw him over a shoulder and began walking toward the mansion.

“Yep,” Redman said as the blood rushed to his head. “It was pretty crazy. It’s not every day I get mistaken for someone who works in the office window tinting business. Near Melbourne, most people just think of me as… well, someone not really worth thinking about.” 

Redman wasn’t sure why he was talking – it wasn’t likely to make his story seem any more plausible. Perhaps it was simply due to the fact that he was feeling lightheaded already, causing him to talk when he should have kept his mouth shut.

“So, let me get this straight,” said Lorenzo. “You came to a residential building and got snatched up by a business for commercial window tinting. Care to explain that?”

Whoops. That was a good point and a definitely slip-up from Redman. Despite the headache forming, he scrambled through his brain for an explanation. “Just because they offer commercial window tinting services, that doesn’t mean they don’t do residential. Besides, they figured a contractor for Gideon was going to be the best of the best, regardless of which type of tinting they were doing. A fair assumption.”

Lorenzo simply huffed and continued to carry Redman toward the mansion.

Moving To The Countryside

Moving To The Countryside

It is my dream to one day move to the countryside. I hate living in a big city and find the air and noise pollution, lack of greenery and dreary faces of city-goers almost unbearable. I just want to live on a big property that is surrounded by nature and spend my days working in the garden, planting shrubs and flowers and being completely content.

I think my dream place to move to is Bright, Victoria, which is a truly stunning destination with a population much lower than Melbourne. There is more greenery in one square kilometre of Bright than there is in the whole of Melbourne. I’m sure of it. No amount of me going around Melbourne gardens and planting thornless roses will help either. Melbourne is doomed to be a grey jungle that never sparks joy in its residents. Bright, on the other hand, is just that – bright. It is filled with colours, colours that change as the seasons’ change. You should go to Bright in Autumn, just as the leaves start to change. The trees are bright red, orange and yellow. It looks so incredible when contrasted with the bright green grass. Grass thrives in Bright in Autumn and Spring because of the naturally cold climate. It then dies off in Summer as the temperature rises, but that’s when the trees get all their leaves back. Wow, it is truly a sight to behold.

I wonder if I’d be able to buy native seeds online and plant them in my suburban Melbourne apartment. I only have indoor plants as I don’t have any sort of outdoor area (which is feeding my burning desire to move to the countryside), but surely some of our native Australian plants can survive indoors. I’m not sure. I just hope that I can pick up my life sometime in the next few years and move far far away.

Sharing My Powers

Sharing My Powers

When I removed my hand from the lamp, the room was silent. I counted the seconds, listening to the ragged breathing of the employees. It seemed nobody knew what to say. Then the owner spoke up. “Have you always been able to do this?” He asked. I shook my head. “I only discovered it yesterday. I made the car stop, not the drivers.” The room stared back at me.

They were all Cherry Energy Solutions Australia employees, so they were experts when it came to energy. They understood how electricity worked, and how you could power technology using clean and renewable energy. It was obvious that they understood I had some sort of power over energy, the ability to manipulate it and turn it off and on. Exactly how far that power extended, not even I knew myself. But I was sure they could see all the benefits of my powers. Everybody was always going on about the costs and benefits of solar power for business, but the truth was that solar panels were one of the best inventions of the last few centuries.

I could add to that greatness with my own power, and increase our ability to make renewable energy. It could change the world. And everybody in that room, they could all see how my powers could help people. They were looking at me in awe, but I never wanted to be a hero. Ever since I discovered my powers, I had wanted to share them with people as a team, and decide how best to use them for the good of society. I suppose that was the politician in me. I just wanted to help my local area. Looking around the room, I was sure there would be a lot more work to do in order to introduce my powers to the world in a way that doesn’t scare people and instead inspires them. But I had hope, and I knew the employees were some of the most competent and talented professionals Australia had seen.

Blocked Drains… Bleh

Blocked Drains… Bleh

I have a very boring life. I find no enjoyment in it and whenever something different happens in it, it’s often for the worst. So yeah my day-to-day life is average at best, except for when it’s worse than average.

For the last couple of months, I’ve been ignoring the fact that gunky-looking stuff has been bubbling out of my sinks, toilets and drains. I’ve been too bored with the world to bother doing anything about it. I have vague memories of watching it bubble up and down, but no recollection of ever wanting to do anything about it. My inaction has gone on to shoot me in the foot though, unfortunately. 

I now have blocked drains in Camberwell which is an expensive enough suburb to live in. This means it’s going to cost me a tonne to get my drains unclogged. This has made me really sad, which is the only other emotion I feel other than boredom. My life just sucks and I’m so unhappy with it. I don’t even try to improve my life, clearly, seeing as I ignored the warning signs coming out of my drains for the last few months. I’m such a disappointment.

I wonder if the drain plumber will think that I’m stupid for letting this go on for so long. I could’ve saved myself so much trouble if I had just done something when I had the chance. People don’t understand how hard it is for me to live and do everyday tasks when everything I do is clouded by a haze of apathy and boredom. I guess you can add sadness to that list now too, seeing as I’m upset at how much money this is going to cost me. 

I hope I can start feeling less bored with my life soon. Once I’ve saved enough money post-drain unblocking, I’m going to go out and try to do something fun.

Super Summer

Super Summer

I can’t believe how hot this Summers has been. I think the record books are going to change when this is all over. I love the heat, don’t get me wrong, but only when I have the option to cool down. Unfortunately my air conditioner hasn’t been working all that well lately. I work in an air conditioned office, but my partner is home all day by herself and she has been having some problems. I get upset phone calls from her telling me how hot the house is. I thought she was exaggerating, when I got home I found out otherwise. The place was like an oven, and I was the main course. I had bought a large box of chocolates and left them on the counter, they were all melted, a liquid mess of delicious chocolate. That was the last straw, you can heat up my home and upset my girl but you do not mess with a man’s chocolate.

I needed air conditioning repairs, Melbourne so hot it was like living in a furnace. The air con hadn’t worked properly since last Summer, it had been sitting there unused for most of the year, now when I needed it the most I got warm air blowing out of it. Thankfully I had the number for a company that does air conditioning service in Caulfield. I knew that I would be bathed in cool air again soon. It was too hot to eat, and everything was sweaty, including my cats. They looked very unhappy with me, with their little ears pointed down and a sad look on their faces. I knew relief was on its way, I just had to find a way to stay cool until the air conditioning repair company from Melbourne could do their magic. My girlfriend decided to leave me for another man who has a working air con, I can’t say that I blame her. I’m sure she’ll come back once she sees that my air conditioner is working again.

Feet Woes

Feet Woes

I’ve never liked feet. I don’t like my own and I don’t like other people’s. It’s nothing personal, but feet just gross me out. Toes that have especially long nails make me feel ill. As a result, I’ve kept my toenails as short as possible for my whole life. This usually makes me feel a lot better about myself, but a few times in my life I’ve then had to go for an ingrown toenail treatment. Cheltenham is right near a podiatrist, which is partly my worst nightmare, but it’s been a blessing each time I’ve had an ingrown toenail. Feet, in general, are disgusting… but feet with a condition? Even worse. 

I really wish that feet didn’t bother me as much as they do. It is actually quite debilitating in some circumstances. I haven’t been able to go to the local beaches in years because almost everyone has their shoes off. It just makes me feel so uncomfortable and genuinely unhappy, and so I have to avoid any situation where there are exposed feet. Do you remember when indoor trampoline places were all the rage? I could never go because of the thought of everyone’s feet touching the same thing. It really is ruining my life.

As I live with my family, I’m often exposed to their feet. I’ve told them numerous times to please wear socks in the house, but they think I’m ridiculous and refuse to be anything other than barefoot.

I’ll never forget the day that dad walked by me and half of his toes had fungal toe nail infections. Melbourne is a pretty clean place, and to this day I still don’t understand how his toes managed to get so funky. I still have nightmares about it. After feeling extremely sick for the couple of days after I saw his toes, I managed to work up the courage to go near him again. I begged my dad to please get his toes fixed, and thankfully he obliged.  

Hampering Productivity

Hampering Productivity

The hamper deliveries are starting to stack up again, even though Christmas is still a good couple of months off. Suits me! I have zero regrets about leaving the corporate world to start Home-brew Hampers, but I can’t deny I get a bit of a kick out of watching it unfold. And the silly season is a prime opportunity to observe office culture at its finest.  

Something I have to wonder about is the emphasis on productivity that characterises so many of these high-flying office environments. That’s part of why I left my previous job – I felt the sphere I was in was focused on quantity at the expense of quality, including quality of life. I’m convinced that there’s more than just productivity enhancement to be gained from  contemporary office fitouts. Melbourne businesses, on the whole, no doubt realise this on some level. But I’m not totally convinced that their spaces always reflect this authentically.

Lots of corporate workplaces order my hampers, and dropping them off in person enables me to spy first hand on the latest trends in office design. Melbourne is always on the pulse with this sort of thing, so there’s usually at least one significant innovation that’s become established since the previous year. If it’s not a breakout space bedecked with hammocks, it’s some kind of floor mat that you stand on to work on your trigger points (at your standing desk, obviously).

It might sound like I’m making fun of these trends, but I’m actually genuinely interested. What is it that makes people tick when it comes to getting things done in the workplace? Can the spatial features of an office really influence how work is carried out? Do Homebrew Hampers really help with staff retention? Do health measures implemented in workspaces, like standing desks, actually improve health, or just provide an ergonomic appearance of doing so while upping productivity?

Look, I don’t really have any innovations of my own to suggest. I’m just the guy who occasionally pops by with the home-brew kits and secretly critiques the scene.

Book Nerd Heaven

Book Nerd Heaven

People used to be so curious – even impressed – when I’d tell them that I worked in book publishing. These days, they either visible wince or give me a look that says, “I’m sorry to hear that, mate.” Still, I’m determined to prove that hard-copy books aren’t dead. To be sure, buyers are still out there, and Turtle Noise Publishing is proving it.

Of course, our staying afloat might have something to do with the strength of our market niche. My approach has always been to provide for the customer who loves the feeling of having a book in their hands, and go all out on features that will thrill that customer. It’s all about the sensory experience of reading a book. I never used to think of this as a niche, but I guess nowadays it is.

In light of that, I’m starting to think that we could do more in terms of workspace branding – that is, imbuing our offices with the essence of what we intend to capture in our products. Ever since we relocated from Sydney, we’ve been vaguely talking about investing in a custom office fitout. Melbourne was always going to be the city in which Turtle Noise came into its own as a cohesive brand, but we’ve kept the idea of overhauling our space on the backburner.

Time to start putting the feelers out for the right office design company. Melbourne businesses, do you have anyone to recommend? Essentially, it’ll come down to a designer’s ability to gel with the overarching concept behind what we do. I’ll need to feel like that has genuinely been understood, first and foremost.

The space functions just fine, but it’s my belief that there’s more to functionality than merely having everything meet the basic requirements of its designated purpose. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that, on some level, the feel of a thing – on an aesthetic, sensory or stylistic level – can effectively contribute to the way it works. Perhaps that’s the philosophy underlying my love of beautiful hard-copy books, too.