Prepare for the Cat and Dog Sporting Bonanza

Prepare for the Cat and Dog Sporting Bonanza

According to my research, cats are smarter than possums. And I’ve known some pretty smart possums in my time, let me tell you. One time when I went camping, a bunch of them formed an alliance with what I can only assume was a husband-and-wife duo of wombats and chewed through my tent AND my rucksack while I was out gathering water. Then I came back to find that they’d unwrapped all my protein bars, leaving me with…no protein bars.

So cats are pretty smart. And I think we all know that dogs are actually smarter than cats, though it can be obscured by their love and devotion. So the Cat and Dog Sporting Bonanza is going to go great, is what I’m saying. Maybe we’ll even make it a yearly mainstay, beloved across the city.

I’ve already talked to some people about extra-strength cricket netting, because I know some dogs like to chew, and some cats love to claw, and I think during the events they might think it to their advantage if they destroy the netting. That’s not so much of a problem with people, where you just have to worry about netting that can stop balls of various sizes, but now it’s serious. We need GOOD quality netting that can withstand a bit of foul play.

Our initial lineup is kitty cricket, doggy football and mixed tennis. I hope people don’t think it’s discriminatory that we’ve separated the first two, but my research indicates that each animal gravitates towards certain skills. Dogs are just better at football. People can moan, but it’s just genetics. The mixed tennis is going to be quite a show, once all the animals are trained. Essentially, we’re pitting the dexterity of cats against the raw power of dogs. Hence why the indoor tennis nets are going to have to be as robust as it gets. Resistant to ALL biting, clawing, scratching, chewing…and probably low-allergenic as well. It’s for the fans.


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