My Inciting Fitness Incident

My Inciting Fitness Incident

They say the fitness trend only took off in the early 2000s, but I’m a little bit older and I can tell you that it’s been around for decades longer than that. Just because protein powder can now taste quite nice instead of being beige slop doesn’t mean we didn’t know how to keep fit before then.

Oh, I remember ignoring ALL that fitness advice through my teens and twenties, even though I bought the fitness magazines. Maybe I thought that just the act of buying them was going to bulk me up a bit, but instead…well, here I am in an oxygen chamber.

I had no idea I was in such poor shape. I’ve known about the hyperbaric oxygen chamber treatments in Melbourne for ages, but I always assumed they were for the very elderly, or maybe people recovering from sports injuries. Maybe people who inhaled too much smoke for one reason or another. And the only reason I’m here at all is because I was trying to do a nice thing. I saw a girl getting her handbag snatched, then my legs were just moving by themselves. Guess I have a hidden heroic streak, because I was tearing down the road trying to get it back. Eventually the guy hastily grabbed a few things from it- not her purse, fortunately- and dumped the bag, but I didn’t really know what happened afterwards because I was being loaded into an ambulance with severe breathing difficulties and an oxygen mask across my face.

I mean, it’s pretty nice. I could get used to hyperbaric medicine. Melbourne is pretty well-equipped in that regard. But still, I’m sick to death of being so unfit that I can’t even sprint a short distance, and if anything is an inciting incident, it’s this. Guess it’s back to buying those fitness magazines and getting into the basics. Slowly. With caution. I’m not twenty-five any more…

-Ted

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