Browsed by
Author: admin

Wimps vs Lasers and Antiwrinkle injections

Wimps vs Lasers and Antiwrinkle injections

My sister Yvette and I are known for being total wimps. We love hitting the salon, and we really like being pampered. It seems to me that the most uncomfortable services are the ones we want- or at least, they’re the ones that offer the best benefits. I really wanted to find painless laser hair removal in Melbourne – which is exactly what I came across.

Yvette’s looking for a few things on the side too. She is seven years older than me and loves telling me that one day I’ll look older than her if I don’t get onto anti wrinkle injections for crowsfeet. While I hope she’s joking, I also hope she’s not right. Anyway, I’m looking for a place that will take care of us both and answer some of my questions.

You wouldn’t believe some of the stuff Yvette gets up to to stop the years adding up on her face. Once, she bought this stuff that looked like it came out of a prehistoric tar pit- it was supposed to eliminate fine lines, pull out blackheads and banish impurities- but instead it ripped out her eyebrows and gave her hives. We aren’t really DIY girls, I think that’s pretty obvious.

Anyway, we found a place that seems to put as much value on looking after us as we do ourselves. It’s a lovely place where cosmetic nurses meet girls just like us every day. I had no idea that laser hair removal was so effortless. My legs have never been smoother and I love how quick the process went. I was prepared for the worst but it really wasn’t that bad at all. With her anti-wrinkle injections, Yvette is looking a lot less severe, too, the effect is really subtle, she just looks less tired and a lot more refreshed. As far as I know, she hasn’t been tempted to break out the face mask or take on any new DIY jobs either.

Last Bicycle and Testament

Last Bicycle and Testament

My friend Kevin’s uncle has just passed away. The cause remains a bit of a mystery (he was no spring chicken, though). He also wasn’t particularly close to Kevin, so there’s a slow trickle of information filtering in from his assorted cousins. Point is, it seems that Kevin may have come into a significant monetary inheritance, and he isn’t really sure what to make of it.

It’s not clear yet whether this is definitely a thing. Apparently, Kevin is not even sure that the deceased made a legal will. Melbourne is far from the uncle’s long-time homeland of Moscow and, from the sound of it, he’s been notorious for spectacularly messing up legal documents in the past.

Kevin told me that he has only one memory of really connecting with the uncle in question. This happened when he was about seven years old. He’d just been given a new bike by his grandparents for his birthday, and was smashing around their backyard on it. Uncle, who was visiting from Russia and known for being a fairly stern dude, walked over, knelt down to Kevin’s height, and asked if he could have a go.

According to Kevin, his own response was first to feel a little bit terrified, then to agree to the unusual request, and finally to laugh his head off as he watched his uncle pack his large frame onto the tiny seat and pedal away across the lawn with his knees up around his elbows. When he returned the bike, he expressed what Kevin described as gratitude so sincere that it would be forever implanted in his memory bank.

I think it’s a bit odd that this uncle never connected deeply with Kevin again after that, and then chose to leave Kevin such a large proportion of his estate’s assets. Still, I like the whole story. I hope Kevin’s gang of relatives can figure out what the deal is with the power of attorney. Victoria might have a specific approach to probate and estate administration; I wouldn’t know. I suggested he talk with a lawyer to get the best advice before making any decisions.

Whispers of The Great Exterminator

Whispers of The Great Exterminator

OH MY!

Not sure how I’m feeling. I’m feeling…several things at once. Angry. Jubilant. Ambivalent. Hungry. That last one is mostly because I’m still waiting for my pizza pockets to finish heating up, though. Soon, my delicious parcels of cheesy flavour. Soon, we shall be together.

But nah, seriously, ‘Week of Our Lives’ just went somewhere I could not have expected: science fiction. Well, kind of. So you all remember how Hugh just got engaged Annie, who owns Realsville’s greatest industry: pest control. Dandenong made an appearance, both because of THEIR pest control and also because Annie secretly had plans to take her pest control monopoly worldwide and become the Extermination Queen. Now, this complicated things for Hugh, because his mum was a fortune teller and on her deathbed she TOLD him the prophecy of the Extermination Queen. He brushed it off like all the other things she predicted, but now he’s actually engaged to the one his mother told him would destroy the termite inspection industry through her mad ambition to unite all of it under one banner.

Now, Hugh doesn’t know if he fully believes it, but after they took a trip to the lemur sanctuary, he’s pretty close to the truth. Annie said something offhand about pest control needing to really get in there and do some work, since it wasn’t really clean and some of the lemurs had fleas. Then he noticed…everywhere she walked, there were dead insects. Pest control follows her around, like a plague. Can he truly love one whom he is destined to destroy? Can the prophecy be averted? Are Frankston’s termite control agents really THAT fast in their response, because wow, they were really booking in that one scene where Claire found termites in the abandoned fun house and she gave them a call. Got there in four seconds flat. TV could be lying to me, but…that never happens.

-Leticia

These TAFE Courses Just Get More Interesting

These TAFE Courses Just Get More Interesting

Halloween is really becoming a popular thing in Australia. All the supermarkets are going nuts with Halloween advertising and spooky displays. Television starts airing all the scary stuff and Halloween specials. And then there are all the little kids who come knocking on your door. Reminds me, I need to go out and get some lollies for them, because I am NOT having another year where they all come knocking and I just awkwardly stare at them until they leave.

That said, from what I’ve seen of America, it seems like people just use Halloween for whatever they like, so long as there’s a slightly off-kilter tilt. There’s a ‘Halloween’ careers expo at my tafe, but it’s really just an opportunity for all the slightly-lesser known careers to show their stuff. Like, when did trigger point dry needling courses become so popular? They’re basically the crowning centrepiece of the whole expo. I guess Melbourne really likes its sport, and they’re related to sport in many ways, but I hear there are needling courses in Auckland and they’re just as popular.

I don’t know. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, though; I find the whole thing pretty intriguing. It LOOKS pretty spooky, especially with the needles sticking out of a person, but I guess that’s just medicine in general. It’s really interesting how just the act of sticking needles in a person can trigger…points, I guess? And it loosens you up and makes you feel better.

Good thing I’m manning a stall at the expo, because I might actually learn something. I’m at the table for cosmetic tattooing, so it’s not like I’m going to get swamped anyway. Maybe I’ll slip out early, go and see what these dry needling courses are all about. Which actually means I don’t need lollies, because I’ll be out that night. Great, my house is getting egged.

-Tiana

Beauty Equals Popularity, Obviously…

Beauty Equals Popularity, Obviously…

Okay, so, cool. I think we ALL know that high school is the most important part of anyone’s life, ever. This is where you learn all the important stuff, make friends that you’ll have for the REST OF YOUR LIFE, and it’s the place where you have to be popular. Like, if you’re not popular, life just isn’t worth living…and there are some places where being popular is more valuable than others.

The School Social is coming up, and as everyone knows, that’s a well of potential popularity right there. According to the chart I have in my bedroom, my popularity is currently sitting around 62%. Not as good as it could be. There was that incident with the exchange student…but we don’t talk about that.

I need to look good. Not just a nice dress either; I’ve been researching lip fillers in Bendigo for the last two weeks, because this is NOT something you can rush. Like, I’ve read all the celebrity magazines, and they’re pretty reliable, and THEY say that people sometimes try to get lip fillers on the cheap and they go to shady backstreet dealers and they end up looking horrible. So basically, if the place I go to has some kind of shop front, I’m…*probably* okay? Still, got to do my research. Got to be better than all the other girls, mostly Shareena Clements, since her mum owns some beauty clinic somewhere and she was bragging about how she gets quality laser hair removal for free. I can’t compete with free, but I CAN do my research and get better quality services. By my estimates, if I find a place in Bendigo for laser hair removal, that should give me about 6%, if I’m able to show it off. Lip fillers should give me about 7%…maybe I’ll see about the eyebrows. I need every advantage I can get basically. CANNOT waste social night.

-Ellen

Freedom in the shape of a ute

Freedom in the shape of a ute

I have a dream of packing up everything I really need in life under ute canopies and driving away from this place. Skittling into the sunset, away from the bright lights of Melbourne. If the sunset really exists in any concrete form I’ll find it. City life is harder than ever before, it seems to me. We’ve become machines- unthinking, unfeeling, and closed to life. I’ve been grinding my teeth away at a desk for years now. My back is out, I hunch over my keyboard as I type this, fingers bent and crooked, dreaming of an escape.

I can spend my days lounging in tall forests, wading through long blowfly grass and sleeping out back in my hardy aluminium trays, nestled up in a rug and staring at the stars above. I’m not scared of the wilderness, silence and solitude, I enjoy it. I don’t want to do things anymore, I want to be. I want to feel again. And when my ute runs out of petrol I’ll hike along the dusty road and work behind a counter, or pick strawberries, until I can pay for another tank. I can munch on edible weeds and forage for mushrooms to nourish my body. But I don’t eat much anymore so I’m not worried.

But what about my family, my wife? My children are all grown up now, they’ve outgrown their parents and now I barely get to see them. I’ve been replaced by new people and new experiences.

My darling Patricia is gone and that’s okay, that’s natural. I won’t give up life just because I’m alone now, I refuse to. My most precious belongings packed up into my sturdy aluminium toolboxes so nobody can steal them or even touch them because they’re mine and mine alone now. My time will be my own, and I can disappear when the time comes, and that sounds absolutely beautiful to me.

Control the Pests, Resist the Machines

Control the Pests, Resist the Machines

Pretty sure I just lost my job to a machine. They didn’t TELL me that, but I’m not stupid. I know the supermarket just bought a bunch of those new self-serve checkouts from Lawrence Corp, the ones that can make casual, breezy conversation and don’t start screaming at you when you put an unscanned item in the bagging area. They said we’d just be moved to other positions, but really, what does that even mean? It means I’m out of a job, as of tomorrow.

What’s even safe any more? I hear they’re trialing a new robot that does pest control in Rosebud. Don’t know why Rosebud, but whatever. Anyway, if you thought pest control was a job that requires some finesse, you’d probably be right. Had an uncle who tried it for a few weeks. I think he confused some chemicals and decided that it wasn’t for him. There’s a lot of different things to think about; not something that you can just step into. I wouldn’t trust my pest control needs to a hunk of metal. I want someone with years of experience, not programmed knowledge.

Supposedly, this new robot is designed to seek out ant and termite infestations and alert people as to the depth of the problem. So unlike these checkouts, they can’t do a pest controllers entire job. But still…it continues to creep onwards, this technology. First it’s just detecting termites. Then it’s given the ability to engage in witty banter. Then it gets arms so it can carry things, a face to make it more user friendly, you equip it with pest control chemical materials, and then boom…it’s doing the entire job. Every single person who does termite inspections in Mornington to Berwick and beyond is replaced by robots! And they all repeat the same 23 witty phrases, over and over again. Resist the mechanisation! Keep pest control free!