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Steely Conversation

Steely Conversation

The eccentric guy down the road – you know, the one with the neurotic chihuahua – sucked me into yet another one-sided conversation this morning. It’s not that he’s a bad person or anything. It’s just that his chosen topics of conversation are generally of little immediate interest to me, and sprung on me at inopportune moments.

For instance, this morning I was literally running for the tram when this guy sidled up to ask me if I knew where to get the best price on steel tubing. Melbourne trams, as I discovered, don’t wait while you pause to experience conversational bewilderment. Seriously, do I look like I know about metal supplies? I’m a finance consultant, for crying out loud.

 Given that I was going to be late for work anyway, I offered the answer that I know absolutely nothing about sourcing steel products. The guy responded by politely enquiring as to whether I, perhaps, had some leads on metal fabrication services. That gobsmacked me even more. I’d thought my answer to the previous question had clearly implied that I don’t know a steel beam from my left elbow, and have little interest in changing that.

 I’m intrigued to know what people make of all this. Melbourne based steel fabricators might be more frequently sought out than I’ve given them credit for. I mean, I’m sure that people in certain fields of work, like builders, would be familiar with this area and maybe even find it interesting. Surely, though, it’s not common knowledge… or did I miss the memo about the building industry being standard conversational fodder?

Regardless, I spent a further five minutes listening to old mate carry on about his preferences in steel lintels, beams, pipes and plates. By the end of it, despite myself, I admittedly had half a mind to engage in a bit of a handyman endeavour with regard to that roof issue I’ve been having. And, darn it, I spent my tram trip searching for residential structural steel suppliers.

A Pain in the Neck

A Pain in the Neck

I ran into Janine again today – she’s an old colleague from my legal days who I only ever seem to bump into at the grandkids’ soccer games. I thought she was looking a bit worse for wear and, after some subtle prodding, she told me that she hasn’t been sleeping very well due to some persistent neck pain she’s been having.

Honestly, I’m not surprised. That might sound uncharitable, but you should see the way she works – hunched over with her face about ten centimetres from her computer screen for hours at a time. She’s been working ten hour days for several years straight, and insists on wearing the highest heels I’ve ever seen. It was really only a matter of time before her body started protesting.

I wonder if she’s made time to see someone about it – perhaps a manual therapist like a physio. Cheltenham has a good clinic; I’ve been there a few times about my knee. If they can keep an old timer like me on my feet, surely they can provide some pain relief for Janine. I’ve also had good results from seeing a remedial massage therapist. Sandringham used to have a great mobile guy; is he still around?

I reckon all she needs is to make some changes to her lifestyle. It’s not rocket science – being sedentary in the same position for the majority of your waking hours isn’t going to do your body any favours. I’d say that to her myself, but I doubt she’d listen to anyone other than a professional. And, obviously, I can’t speak on behalf of the physiotherapy profession; there could well be more to it. I just can’t help but think it’s very likely she’s brought this on herself.

There’ so much more in the way ergonomics these days than there was back in the day. Now it’s acceptable to have dynamic workstations – standing desks and all that. It surprises me that more people aren’t taking advantage of these options.

And We’re Back, with Kitchen Design!

And We’re Back, with Kitchen Design!

At long last the second season of ‘The Great Australian Trade-Off’ is upon us. Thank goodness, because I was straight-up going nuts here. Watching old reruns on Neat-Flicks, reading every single magazine article on the subject, and of course spending hours and hours on the forums, trying to predict what challenges would be coming up, which will be new and the ones that would return…

So, new team of contestants, and I think I’ve figured out their one-note personalities from the first episode. Oh, and the very first episode was about custom kitchen design! What a dream! I’ve been saving up for that sort of thing forever, although there’s always some extra expense that stops me from getting my extra sink.

They changed the format up a little bit as well: first is a team round, where they’re given a half-finished project and have to finish it. This time they separated into two really big teams and ahd to renovate a giant commercial kitchen each.

After that it was the innovation round, where they were given parts and had to assemble a kitchen appliance of some sort. And the Final Challenge, which this time had them draw up the designs for their very own kitchen, then they had to direct a small team to create the kitchen of their dreams. First time they’ve done a challenge that took more than a day, and I think it’s a great addition to the format.

If you were into kitchen designs, this was the episode for you. I’m ALL about quality kitchen makeovers, so this premiere has me hyped. Plus in the forum sweepstakes I’m one for one. Next up I’m guessing…farm maintenance? It’s a bold guess, but I have faith they can pull it off.

-Delia

I LOVE Orange Sofa, I Do, I Do, I Do

I LOVE Orange Sofa, I Do, I Do, I Do

The way of the future is very clearly becoming LESS professional. I think we hit the jackpot in regards to office life a few years ago, when everyone suddenly realised that wearing a tie made you look like a conforming penguin and the true key to productivity was originality.

We didn’t do it THAT well, to be fair. Everyone just started sticking orange sofas in everywhere, and all of a sudden all the offices just ended up looking the same. And yet, it was a start. We’re well on our way to creating the truly creative offices that we deserve, and I’d like to see that happen right here in Sydney.  Everyone knows that we’re a little bit ahead of most of Australia when it comes to basically everything, and the companies doing premium office design in Sydney and the surrounding areas are no exception. We’re having our office done right now, and while we’ve all been shoved into a cramped office space that hasn’t seen an update since the 90s, we’ll be returning to a lush office paradise.

I’m talking coffee machines lining the walls. I’m talking beanbag chairs for everyone. I’m talking carpets with kitten patterns on them! That one I’m pretty confident about. I sent the boss a discreet email a few weeks before we were due to get the office fitout, and inside were several options for kitten carpets. I liked number #2, personally…it was a light blue and all the kittens were wearing sunglasses. But I felt it’d be better for there to be options. If we were going to get in contact with some seriously dedicated and well-rated office design companies servicing Sydney, then we need to come at them with ideas. We need to prove that we deserve to work with them as much as they deserve to work with us.

Our fun, modern, hip and casual office designs are becoming a reality, and I welcome this new age of beanbags and caramel macchiatos on demand. It’s for added productivity, you see.

-Carlos

Antenna Antagonism

Antenna Antagonism

Curses on this midwinter nonsense! Not only do I have to have the lights on from 3 in the afternoon and either blast the heating or wear fingerless gloves at my computer, but the wind has been gradually chipping away at my roof. First it was a tile back in May, then another one in June. Now my antenna has fallen victim.  

I wouldn’t describe Melbourne as an especially windy city. It’s just that this house is an annoying combination of crumbling and heritage-listed, which means the owner is required to jump through a bunch of hoops in order to have it repaired. I’m getting the sense that motivation is lacking on that front, but it hasn’t been causing me too much hassle (yet).

I’m not especially concerned about a broken TV aerial, to be honest, aside from the fact that it’s dangling precariously over my car parking spot, intertwined with an overhanging branch from a nearby tree. The satellite dish is also positioned at a questionable angle, seemingly threatening to take a tumble into a neighbouring window. I’ve texted the real estate agent and they haven’t replied yet, so I’m thinking of calling in someone off my own steam and forwarding them the bill.

Who deals with tv antenna installation, Melbourne? I’ve never given it a passing thought. I don’t really watch free-to-air or cable tv, so it’s just not on my radar. I guess I’m starting to understand why owners of rental properties can appear so self-righteous – it’s because they’re expected to finance these kinds of repairs on a regular basis, when they’d rather be chilling out and making a passive income.

I get that. Organising antenna repairs are simply not on the list of things I’d be keen to sign up if I was to buy in the whole property shenanigan. Regardless, the real estate agent could at least get back to my text, rather than leaving me to figure out how to avoid copping a tv aerial through my windscreen and/or a satellite dish as an unwanted hat.

Kitchen Renovation = Stress Relief

Kitchen Renovation = Stress Relief

Renovating a kitchen is probably the best stress relief there ever was. Need to release all your anger? Kneel down and start ripping up some floorboards with your bare hands. I guarantee, you’ll be feeling a lot better by the end of it. I also quite enjoyed taking a hammer to the counter, which isn’t usually part of the process but this time had to happen because their tools weren’t working. I dunno, I just found it to be a lot more fun.

I could do this for a job. In fact, I bet if there are people who fit commercial ovens, they must all be incredibly chill. You have to wreck a lot of stuff before you even get close to putting in a kitchen, so at least they know that when they come into work, they always have that waiting for them.

Come to think of it, there are probably a few jobs of that sort. Imagine being in control of a wrecking ball…now THAT appeals to me. Or being the guy who presses the button that sends the buildings tumbling down, due to them being blown up at the base. Probably aren’t a huge amount of those jobs going, and maybe they have some sort of rota system that states who gets to press the final button, but dang…that’d be great.

Then again, renovations have that extra element of being able to not only rip up a whole load of stuff, but also to see the place when it’s shiny and new. I’ve enjoyed that part as well, even though I’m no professional. Such is the life of someone who does renovations and installs commercial deep fryers and all the big stuff: satisfaction in the morning as you tear out the old, and parental pride as you look upon the new. All done by your own hand.

Is it the best job in the world? It has to be in the top 5 at least, right behind the wrecking ball person.

-Lee

Surprise cash means a new backyard

Surprise cash means a new backyard

I was able to use my windfall (apparently it’s not called win-fall; news to me) to bring my garden alive, with some sleepers. I love my backyard but sometimes I just don’t know why. This was my cry every time I would wake up at the crack of half past nine, and see the backyard that stood in shambled before me. It has all changed now (definitely for the better though I’m still out of bed at half past nine) and I can honestly say that I love the new backyard. It all started three weeks ago when I got a message in the mail.

I get a letter stating that I’m the recipient of a windfall of some $6,000 and I’m super happy. I mean who wouldn’t be? I decide that since I’ve got this great house, but a not-so-great backyard, I would do it up. I want a cool backyard garden, with veggies and fruit in it so that I can say I’m now a real farmer. I want an outdoor entertaining area where my friend can gather and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

The first step was to get a retaining wall and some concrete sleepers. Melbourne gardeners seems to have this obsession with symmetry, and concrete sleepers are  a great way to create smooth lines in a yard. Of course this meant speaking to the landscaping professionals and as such, it also meant that I was basically just listening to them talk about things that I really don’t understand. I know retaining walls and concrete sleepers are things that I need, so I understood enough.  I didn’t know at the time what concrete sleepers were, but it’s pretty obvious now that I’ve seen them.

The next step that had to get done was to fix up the driveway. Unlike most homes, most normal homes anyway, this driveway was not in the front, but in the back. I’m sorry home, I don’t mean to be rude, but having a driveway in the back of your home is not normal.

The backyard sort of doubled as a driveway of sorts with loose stones acting as the paving. I wanted a proper driveway, Melbourne North is well known for garden parties and I simply want to be a part of the local culture. That meant that the landscapers had to get super special concrete to match the rest of the house, the rest of the yard, and now my massive ego. They delivered in a spectacular way. I’ve got the best driveway in the street if you ask me.

Cold Blooded

Cold Blooded

I absolutely love winter. I get that this might be an unpopular opinion with some people, but I can’t get enough of that cold, crisp air. Maybe it’s my Norse blood, or maybe I just overheat easily, or both. Regardless, I’m currently in my element here in the ACT.

My housemate, Marcel, is the complete opposite, as we’ve recently discovered. We cottoned to this a few weeks ago when the mercury started dropping. That’s when I noticed Marcel’s preference for having the ducted heating system. Canberra residents love these units turned up to eleven, much to my disdain. He would freak out when I tried turning it down, but I’ve since explained to him that it’s too hot for me when he runs it that hard. Plus, it costs a fortune.

I’m coming round to the fact that Marcel needs some heat on to function over winter, especially at night. I can handle it, as long as he’s not turning the joint into a sauna. As for the cost of running it, I have to own that I tend to go to town on the air con over summer, which Marcel finds unnecessary. So I guess we’re square.

On the plus side, Marcel is quite the nitpicker when it comes to having our appliances serviced. He mentioned this morning that he wanted to get the heating checked for gas leaks, which I can jive with. We might as well get the air con checked at the same time. I should know who is good for a gas heating service, Canberra is not exactly warm in Winter after all.

I think we work pretty well as a team, on the whole. Not like me and my last housemate, who not only would never dream of getting something serviced until it was completely broken, but would also be the one primarily responsible for breaking stuff. What was he thinking, putting a tent in the dryer that time?

Now that I think about it, he’s probably the reason the air conditioner was a bit hit and miss over summer. Maybe I’ll send him the repair bill.

Really Hoping the Great Beyond Enjoys this Car…

Really Hoping the Great Beyond Enjoys this Car…

This car lark isn’t as easy as it looks. I managed to purchase a frame on B-Bay, and it arrived all rusty and barely fitting in my very small garden. I’m also concerned about what will happen if it rains while I’m in the middle of making this car, and all the parts get wet. I mean, cars are waterproof to a certain point, because I’ve definitely seen people driving in the rain, so maybe it’ll be fine. Still, can’t be sure. I need to watch more tutorials on Me-Straw.

Fortunately, I’ve done my homework, oh yes. I know for a fact that there ARE auto mechanics in Ringwood. That’s very useful by itself, but I’m also aware that they help you out with car things. Like, if your car goes wrong. I am ALL over this, so basically, whenever I have a problem with my car- which in this case is the general problem of me not being able to build a car- then I can ask them. Perfect plan, and it’s not like I think they’ll be giving advice for free, either. Although I might be able to chance it, especially since the onus to build this car comes as a message from the great beyond, and thus it’s kind of important. You’d think a mechanic would provide free services based on the fact that I’m trying to save the world here, but not everyone understands the great beyond in the same way that I do.

So, car frame, mechanics…next step I’d say would be wheels. I do happen to know where I can find a whole bunch of wheels, because there’s a junkyard-type place right behind where I live, and there are a load of burned-out tyres in a pile. I guess I just need to find a the best place in Ringwood for brake repairs and maintenance, have them stitch these ones up, and there’s my car all ready to…roll. Not much else except roll, but it doesn’t yet have an engine. Rolling is the best form of locomotion it can hope for at the moment.

-Alistair

Yes, Those Bentleigh Services I Totally Need…

Yes, Those Bentleigh Services I Totally Need…

Mum and Dad taught me to always tell the truth, which makes life really boring. Whenever I want to spice up some juicy office gossip, or tell people that I went hiking on the weekend instead of watching Neat-Flix and eating caramel popcorn…their words ring in my ears. And grudgingly, it is true. Honesty IS always the best policy.

Except if you can get around it by carefully-planned half-truths, in which case carefully-planned half-truths are definitely the best policy. They’re the most fun, as well. For example, everyone in the office now thinks I drive a Bentleigh, which just so happens to be my favourite car. I just mentioned off-hand to Rian that I was looking for reliable car servicing in Bentleigh, and since Rian is a little bit deaf in his left ear, he thought I said that I was looking for reliable car servicing people for my Bentleigh. He repeated what he’d heard in disbelief, loud enough for everyone in the breakroom to hear. I stammered a little bit but then I just said, rather simply: “Yes. I do indeed require Bentleigh car services. Bentleigh is what I said.”

I needed to say no more for clarification. No one has straight-up asked me if I actually do have a Bentleigh, so now I’m the talk of the office. People keep asking if they can see her, but I say no…I’d rather not show anyone. My Bentleigh is very special (because it doesn’t exist). I’m very sensitive about my car (because it’s not real). I’ve been saving up for a Bentleigh for ages (that one is actually true).

As you can see, I’ve managed to dodge most of these so far, but if it ever comes to lying, I’ll have to come clean. Actually, I just need car servicing for my 2003 Toyota Corolla…in Bentleigh. Auto electrical if at all possible. But no one yet needs to know that…

-Brent Lee